Today I had the day off. My Einbürgerungstest was earlier this afternoon and it was important that this was the only task to complete. So much scheduling and studying and stress went into this event, it only felt fair to give it the proper respect. Under normal circumstances the process should be easier, but not in Berlin. The appointment for this test was made back in January. Back then I thought anyone could just sign up for an exam - that they were happening multiple times per week in multiple locations. This was naive. The bureaucracy in Berlin is legendary, and all the more challenging because it's in German. After emailing a dozen different people at half a dozen testing locations, making several phone calls, asking friends to make phone calls, and going in person to an office, it turned out that the soonest appointment I could get was two months away, in the middle of March. Even this wouldn't have been so bad if the test results were sent in a 20th century fashion. Instead, they are delivered in the Stone Age tradition of hammer and chisel, hand delivered within 6 - 8 weeks. Here's the problem: my appointment for permanent residency is at the end of April. Those results need to be in my hand before then. Currently there's a risk the results won't make it in time.
What's fascinating about this whole situation is the exam is a 33-question multiple choice test. It took me under 10 minutes to complete. Over the past few weeks I had to memorize 310 questions to be certain I was familiar with all of them, but they only select a random subset of that number to quiz you on. Knowing this, how could it possibly take 6 - 8 weeks to grade? When we were kids in junior high school, we'd routinely have 50-question multiple choice exams, and we'd have our results the next morning, and there was only one teacher grading them. Granted, the tests could be fed into a Scantron machine and it would spit them right back out, marked and ready. But even in cases where a test had to be reviewed by hand, we'd never wait more than a few days. Not in Germany apparently. Oh well. What can be done?
Until this exam, I hadn't really studied since college. In school that's all you do. Go to class, listen, do the reading, write your essays, do your homework, study, test, repeat. My whole life I was always a good test taker. Most of the time I didn't need to study very long, if it all. Now that I'm older, my brain requires a little more encouragement than it used to. Some of that could be chalked up to studying in a language I don't really understand - something I've mentioned here in a previous post - but another part of it comes from the fact that as an adult you don't really study for things after university. No one tests you anymore. People would be smarter or more well read if they did. Imagine in order to keep your job you had to take a test once a quarter which proved you've been keeping up with all the changes in your field, the new developments, advancements, corrections, buzzwords, key concepts and respected thought leaders? Many of us, I'd venture, would be better at our jobs. Or lose them. The lack of vigorous intellectual exercise, I think, is a significant contributor to cognitive degeneration and decline as a person ages. If we aren't challenged to think or to integrate new information into our worldviews, those views become rigid, the mind less curious, closed. It begins to feel more comfortable digging our heels into what we already think we know. Look at any old boomer.
I'm just glad the test is over and done with. I'm fairly confident I passed with a perfect score. The only thing that worries me is the large and credible risk of not getting the certificate in time for the permanent residency appointment. I'll just need to manifest that with positive vibes, I guess. Each day I'll imagine the results arriving in the middle of April, or sooner, so that by the time the date rolls around it's been so thoroughly charged by my good intentions it has no choice but to appear in my mailbox. Starting now I'll have time to redirect my focus back to finishing the graphic novel, or learning Polish. Asia got me a book: Polish for Dummies. I'm trying not to read too hard between the lines on that one.
For some reason my stomach is in shambles today. Gas, bloating, loose stool. In the middle of the exam I thought there was going to be a bomb scare. Knotted waves and ghastly gurgling started rippling through my midsection as I left my apartment for the test. When I messaged Asia she suggested it was nerves. But it wasn't. I felt completely at ease. I'd given myself ample time to study and practice for this. Yesterday I took over 10 practice exams, and on each one I received a perfect score. There was no worry there. Something else was going on in my stomach. I've been feeling sick for the past few days now. It started with a mild sore throat, a headache, then graduated to fatigue, a cough, and now digestive issues. As a precaution I took a Covid test, but it came back negative. Not sure what I've got, but I'm hoping it clears up soon. I was looking forward to treating myself to a beer and pizza today, on account of getting the test out of the way, but instead, and as a compromise, I allowed myself a few spoons of ice cream. That's when I realized this year I haven't had beer, or pizza, or ice cream.
What's the point of life without this holy trinity of sin?
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For most of human existence we've lived without beer, pizza and ice cream. Isn't that a terrible thought? Our ancestors, those utter savages, lived on seeds and nuts. What a time to be alive. As bad as this late-stage capitalist world is, at least pizza, ice cream and beer are always a stone's throw away.
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