Ever After

*From earlier

I'm on my way to the gym, finally. It's only been two months, but my body has thoroughly deteriorated, wilted, turned into a burlap sack full of chewed up cheeseburgers and beer. I'm soft, made of White Castle buns. With persistence I might get back to my former health, be able to support my own bodyweight without the threat of imminent collapse. Here's to hoping.

Walking to the bus earlier, I talked with a friend from New York whom I haven't spoken to in some time. It was nice to hear she was doing well, that she was still as I remember her. There are times, as you grow older, that you realize you've become estranged from a friendship, made a stranger by distance and time; unlinked and alone, an unchained melody. Be gracious when you find friendships still intact. I just listened to the song by the same name, made popular by the Righteous Brothers. I never noticed how much the lyrics plead for mercy, for death, to be reunited with that overcrowded and lonely ocean, infinite in its obscurity.

Happy morning thoughts!

Maybe it would make us all happier if we replaced every instance of the word death with love. In life, two things are certain: love and taxes. Do not fear love. No one can escape love. See, isn't that nicer? The thing about nicer though, is that it's usually less true. Nicety in aesthetic is always a contrivance, a deception designed to conceal, to temporarily entomb entropy; wow, what a nicely groomed lawn; cropping out that blemish would make that photo look a lot nicer; look at little Billy, doesnt he look so nice and clean; wouldn't that story be nicer if they lived happily ever after.

Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

Lonely rivers flow
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh
"Wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home, wait for me

Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered, for your touch
A long, lonely time
Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me
Lonely mountains gaze
At the stars, at the stars
Waiting for the dawn of the day

All alone I gaze
At the stars, at the stars
Dreaming of my love far away

Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered, for your touch
A long, lonely time
Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

----------

On my way home from work I listened to a podcast that delved into the topic of Nihilism, and why it seems to have such an appeal to rebellious youth, why it's so prevalent in pop culture. They cited Nietzsche, punk and metal, True Detective, Russian literature. Initially they postulated that it's because we have an innate desire to repudiate, to dismiss what insults our soul, to resist much and obey little. But at the conclusion of the show they suggested it is a way of making a stand, of saying - we are unafraid. I would extend this even further and say that our fears and insecurities goad us toward a feigned fearlessness. We are very much afraid (how could we not be), and therefore act contrary in an attempt to will it away. Ok, I'm done with the doom for today; you have to get it out sometimes.

Tomorrow I promise to talk of lighter thinks, you know, like helium.