Drink Up

I once had a girl I was dating ask me why I was so curious about her; why I wanted to crawl inside her head and figure her out. She asked me this defensively, aggressively even, and it confused me. Why would anyone be upset because someone wanted to know who they were as a person - what made them, them?

To allow it is an indication of comfort, trust, communion. To disallow it, well, that sends another message.

It’s funny, we will readily physically penetrate, or be penetrated, showing our most private places to another, accepting them, welcoming them, yet we shrink from the idea of exploring each other's minds. We prefer to do so vicariously, and from a safe distance, through books or films. It baffles me. It is the most natural thing in the world to direct curiosity at that which draws you; it is by definition how it works. You see a sparkling stone and wish to touch it, to feel it in your hand, to grasp it. A pleasant aroma draws you nearer and appeals to your appetite; you want to know what the food is made of - whether it contains garlic - you want more of it, you want the recipe, you want to have it so you can recreate it for yourself. Or perhaps you read a fascinating excerpt from a novel and want to know who the author is, what else he’s written, who his influences were, what his life was like. Why then would it be unusual to do the same with the person you love? Attention is one of the kindest generosities one can bestow upon another. It is to give them the only thing that you have in this world: time. In a sense, it is to give them your life; those fleeting moments that slip into the past and cannot be reclaimed. To shower one with attention, then, is the greatest gift that could be given. For proof, just look how happy it makes a child.

I do think we have a right to privacy though, and one shouldn't get to riffle through the closets of your mind without restraint simply because they are your partner, but I do think intimacy is an invitation. Perhaps I rummage too roughly and need to learn how to be more gentle. I prefer to think others don't rummage enough.

Drink up, deeply - you are each the last of a soon to be extinct vintage.