Last night I watched the first 1 2/3 of the original 3 Naked Gun movies. I'd forgotten how heavily films like Austin Powers had borrowed various skits and gags, recurring jokes and superabundant slapstick. The movies were entertaining; they were irreverent and self deprecating; mythically masturbatory.
I just brushed my teeth. Now my mouth tastes like blood and envelope glue. I think I should drink some orange juice - that would taste just grand. I want to open a restaurant where, between each course - and before every drink - a waiter or sommelier brings to the table a toothbrush, and provides a total palate-cleansing experience; tucking a white satin bib around a patron's neck and delivering a nice foamy, well lathered tooth-brushing to refresh tired tastebuds. It would be like getting a relaxing warm shave at a barbershop. We'd use only the finest artisanal toothpaste, of course; sourced from all natural, local ingredients, with a careful concern on sustainability and reducing our carbon footprint.
The sun is curious this morning, peeking through my window, coming in through the little slits in my blinds, drawing lines on my wall.
I'm starving. I'm out of milk. Last time this happened I tried eating cereal with greek yogurt and kefir in it, to try and substitute one dairy product for another. Let me tell you, friends, never, ever try that. It tasted like a nice bowl full of clumpy, rancid milk with flakes of crust and raisins on top. I'll serve that at my restaurant, actually. On the menu it will be described as:
Milkless Sour Cereal
A delicate combination of hand-cut oats and brown raisins, sprinklings of pistachios and pumpkin seeds, puffed rice and diced organic bananas, dressed in a creamy all-natural kefir sauce with dollops of Greek yogurt
Mmmmm. I'm getting hungry just thinking about that tart treat. Just think of how good it would taste after a nice invigorating palate refresher!
What would I call my fine dinery, though?
Spa Palate - The Mouth Palace
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