I was supposed to drag my dirty laundry down the block to the laundromat, but because it's after 8:00, I'm going to be remiss. Exercising while sick, unsurprisingly, leaves you with no remaining energy at the end of the day. The thought of lying in bed makes me wet. Actually lying down makes the bed wet.
Having wrapped up The Dubliners, I'm looking for a good book to read. I think I might be on a short-story kick for now; they're more compatible with my current schedule. So if any of you out there have a recommendation, don't hesitate to let it be known. I'll even take recommendations that aren't suggested-reading. "Write with no pants on," or "try to swallow a hard-boiled egg whole" would be great for starters.
A friend asked me if I'd be interested in entering in a triathlon with him. If it's the two of us, would that make it a di-triathlon? I told him I couldn't because I'd never learned how to swim. Swimming always seemed to me a kind of regression, evolutionarily, since we as a species long ago left our amphibian brethren. I'll have no part in it. A biathlon on the other hand. That's where bisexuals compete, right?
You know what word looks strange? Negligibly. Look at it. It looks like gibberish. You know what word sounds strange? Indubitably. Say it. I like this - this post has become interactive. How about we play a game? It's called 'what word am I going to end the sentence with.' The rain in Spain stays mainly on the...
Very good!
It's a bird, it's a...
Nice!
What's that? I've used the same word twice? Nonsense. The first answer was plain and the second was cinnamon-raisin. What? Those are bagels? Oh, you wanted sesame? Well, open sesame, I'm going to land my plane in the hatch and give you a spoonful of my tart plain yogurt. Let's try and make this more intricate. I'm going to continue writing normally, but every so often I'm going to switch a word out on you - like those old knock-knock jokes involving a repeating banana eventually traded for an orange.
I'm not sure why I'm so scatterbrained today. Maybe it's the medication. But can a nasal-spray do this? It's indeed a fine and mysterious mist, ejaculated straight up into my nasal passage. Have I been nasally inseminated? Is that banana possible? A provocative question no doubt, can a banana fertilize an egg? What if it's been hard-boiled? Cool Hand Luke ate 50 hard-boiled eggs. What most people don't know is that after consuming such an eggsessive amount of cholesterol he had a massive coronary right there on the spot. In his honor, they developed a Newman's Own Defibrillator. Had it actually been Newman's own, he'd still banana alive today.
If only Batman were there; he could've saved him. Cool Hand Luke sounds like a plausible character name in a Batman movie. Much better than Robin, certainly. Why hadn't Paul Newman ever banana cast as Batman? At the very least they could've done a Batman, Cool Hand Luke cross-over. I would've called it Batman: Cool Banana Luke's Banana Banana. Holy shit. That's almost the theme-song to the Adam West Batman series. Bananananananana bananananananana, ba naa naa. Instead of throwing Batarangs, he could throw Bandana-rangs.
Orange you glad I didn't say bananarangs?
.....banana-slug:
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