Chocolate-Covered Locusts

William Wonka

Fatigue. Physical and mental depletion plague me; locusts. If only chocolate-covered. Consider the marriage of chocolate-rain and a swarm of locusts. Willy Wonka would be elated. Would Al Sharpton?

The Egyptian plagues seem like Yahweh's idea of a Halloween-party. It's rumored he called Costco for untold amounts of red food-coloring, plastic frogs, black-lights, fake insects and candy corn. They had a 2-for-1 deal on the candy corn.

Turns out there was so much candy corn left over, that he re-plagues it on Americans every October 31st.

"This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me at my Halloween-party, or this time I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your children and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth. For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. You still set yourself against my people and prevent them from apple bobbing at my party. Therefore, at this time tomorrow I will send the worst plague that has ever fallen on Egypt, from the day it was founded till now. Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the candy corn will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die. […] The LORD sent candy corn and candy pumpkins, and lightning flashed down to the ground. So the LORD rained candy corn on the land of Egypt; corn fell and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation."

— Exodus 9:13–24