Becoming a Commie or The Lying Libation

The fireworks will be starting soon. I've realized The Fourth of July isn't one of my favorite holidays. Well, it is if I'm eating burgers and hotdogs and drinking, but this year none of those things interest me much. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming a Commie. Lately drinking just doesn't give me the same satisfaction it used to. Perhaps I'm getting old, but instead of enjoying it my mind fixates on how bad I might feel tomorrow, or how drinking doesn't make much sense, about how bloated my stomach is, or how the likelihood of going to the gym falls off with each successive beer, how I'm damaging my brain and liver and who knows what else.

I'm starting to believe people only trick themselves into thinking drinking is enjoyable. It's not the drinking they like - it's the feelings associated with it; lightness, warmth, affability, openness, comfort, happy frivolity. In this way alcohol becomes a crutch that serves to atrophy instead of rehabilitate. We're all trying to mainline happiness one glass at a time. We rely on alcohol to provide us with these feelings instead of cultivating them ourselves. Alcohol encourages dependance, it enslaves while selling a lie of liberation. If you want proof of alcohol's ugliness, hang out at the bar but don't drink. Observe how people behave when they're drunk. It won't be long before you'll want to leave.

Perhaps I should make a distinction between drinking and drunkenness. Surely one can drink without becoming oafish or aggressive or slurring one's words. Having two drinks and stopping at a buzz is an enviable and achievable goal, but few (if any) of my friends drink this way. In fact, I've only seen a handful of people between the ages of eighteen and thirty "drink responsibly." All-night binge drinking is the commonest and most preferred method of consumption. Maybe I shouldn't poopoo The 4th and drinking. Who doesn't like colorful explosions and alcohol? Dogs, for sure, and probably those handless men among us who've only semi-successfully mixed the two. The true American patriots.

Instead of partying, to celebrate our nation's independence I went to the gym and ran errands, read, napped, and then vigorously masturbated until I induced several sizable penile edemas which required much icing and ibuprofen to reduce. It was like a Sunday.

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Know it sounds funny
But, I just can't stand the pain
Girl, I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl
You know I've done all I can
You see I begged, stole, and I borrowed! (Yeah)

Ooh that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning!

Why in the world would anybody put chains on me?
I've paid my dues to make it
Everybody wants me to be
What they want me to be
I'm not happy when I try to fake it. No!

Ooh that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning!

I wanna be high, so high
I wanna be free to know
The things I do are right
I wanna be free
Just me! Whoa, oh! Babe!

That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning, yeah
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning, whoa
'Cause I'm easy
Easy like Sunday morning, yeah
'Cause I'm easy
Easy like Sunday morning whoa