Pill Cosby

Friends in town, girls, two of them, brimming with period power. We went for dinner last night, and then drinks. And then more drinks. Some very lovely sentences were uttered. My favorite, spoken by my friend when confronted with a can of PBR, a shot of whiskey and a pickle back: "oh my god. This makes me sick, the smell. I gotta drink it." The night progressed pretty much in that fashion.

We walked through the windy San Francisco night back to my apartment, armed with two bags of potato chips and ice cream. We got home and I got them stoned before bed. We didn't eat the ice cream or the chips because one of them began laughing hysterically, calling the other one hideous, while the other was caught by a violent fit of coughing. I went to bed in the next room and heard her suppressed coughs through the open doors. I called out and asked whether she was okay, if she needed water. She said no. I brought her water anyway. Soon the coughing started again and I called out once more: do you need more water, or a cough drop maybe?

No, she said.

The coughs kept coming and I felt terrible for getting two innocent women on their periods completely stoned. All they wanted was to have a good time and get a decent night's sleep. My friend kept coughing and asked me if that was normal. Holy fuck, she was high as a damned kite! Have these girls never smoked pot in their lives? What had I done? No, certainly I remembered smoking pot with them ten years ago. Right? Oh my god; how high was I? 

Of course it's normal, I told her. Eat some chips and shut up.

Then I remembered I'd put quaaludes all over the potato chips.

"Actually, don't eat the chips," I said.

"Why," she asked in between coughs.

"You might O.D.," I said.

"On what?"

"Weed."

"But they're just chips."

"They're weed."

"Oh."

Holy shit, she was high. But, could you O.D. on weed? Was that true? Damn, I wasn't sure. I started worrying, imagining myself charged with two counts of manslaughter, jailed, accused of all kinds of indecency. I felt like old Pill Cosby. I prayed to Jesus and asked him to help us. The other one was completely quiet, asleep. To lighten the mood I joked about her being dead. That was my first mistake. Well, no, that was probably not true. I'd made others. The one who was awake, gripped by coughing paranoia, woke sleeping beauty to verify she was still alive. After some laughing I got up to get her a cough drop. I think she fell asleep after that.

Or she died.

I will update soon.